


Hurt

by slashyrogue



Category: Adam (2009), Charlie Countryman (2013), Hannibal Extended Universe - Fandom
Genre: Breaking Up & Making Up, Discussions of Nigel's Past, Established Relationship, Happy Ending, M/M, Scared Adam, Vulnerable Nigel, switching POV
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-07-10
Updated: 2016-07-10
Packaged: 2018-07-22 15:34:07
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,489
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7444483
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/slashyrogue/pseuds/slashyrogue
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Adam and Nigel have been broken up for months when he starts to see Nigel's new boyfriend leaving every morning.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Hurt

Nigel had a new boyfriend. 

Adam had seen him leave Nigel's apartment more than once several mornings in a row, the two of them locking eyes as the man passed before heading out the door. 

He told himself it was fine. Nigel had parts to him that Adam couldn't and shouldn't excuse, dark parts that were more than frightening if they were ever directed at him. 

He told himself they would've been eventually. Killers hurt people, they can't be gentle or loving no matter how much his memories crept in to remind him that Nigel had never been those things with him. 

The new boyfriend had dark brown hair and blue eyes, wore black rimmed glasses and always seemed happy when he looked at Adam. 

He almost wanted to show him the tape of Nigel doing those horrible things. 

But he didn't. 

Nigel was happy, he had to be if he was still seeing this man for going on months now, and Adam couldn't ruin that for him. 

No matter how much he missed him. 

 

“I think your neighbor has a crush on you,” Connor said as he settled in Nigel’s bed. 

Nigel’s sex addled brain tried to focus on the words, letting out a long sigh and pushing off the arm that tried to hold onto him. 

“Who?” 

“The little one with the blue eyes.” 

Nigel froze. 

“He’s so cute, always staring at me when I leave in the morning. The other day…” 

Nigel’s jaw tightened. 

“…and I almost told him what a fucking awesome lay you are, but I…” 

Connor didn’t get to finish his sentence as Nigel pushed him out of the bed with a growl. 

“What the fuck?” 

“GET OUT!” 

Connor got up, eyes wide, “Nigel…” 

“GET THE FUCK OUT!” 

Connor stared at him angrily. “No. I don’t understand why you’re getting so fucking upset. It was just…” he smiled and shook his head, “Adam. That’s Adam.” 

Nigel got up and stalked over to him, Connor holding up his hands. 

“You say his fucking name again and it’ll be the last fucking words you…” 

“Fuck! I just…” 

Nigel turned his back, the anger and emotion welling up in him threatening to spill the longer he shared a room with the man he’d gotten to warm his bed in Adam’s absence. 

He didn’t even hear the door close and sat down on the bed, grabbing for a cigarette with shaking hands. 

It had been a fucking stupid idea anyway. 

Connor was nothing, just a body and a voice to make the room less empty, and now the giant hole in his chest just seemed so much bigger.  
‘Stay away from me,’ the words still echoed in his head and he scoffed, shaking his head. 

Nigel had done a fucking fantastic job at that, not even leaving the house as Adam and only watching as he left so Adam didn’t see him staring. Connor had been an idea, a way to get his mind off the bitter anger he wanted to throw but nowhere to lay his hands. 

Now it felt like a betrayal. 

Adam had seen him, had no fucking doubt assumed Nigel had moved on when that couldn’t be further from the truth. 

He stared at the unlit cigarette and crushed it in his fist, letting the mess fall to the floor as he lay back down to stare at the ceiling. 

Adam didn’t want to see him and it wasn’t as if he needed to clarify a single damn thing. 

It would be so much harder to sleep now in an empty bed, and when he closed his eyes Nigel tried to pretend there was breath on his neck. 

 

Adam got more upset than he should’ve not to see Nigel’s boyfriend leave the same he did one morning for the first time in months. 

It was part of his daily routine, that little stab of hurt in his chest at seeing Nigel’s door open and the man in glasses smile at him knowingly. He wondered if they’d decided to stay in today, maybe spend the morning in bed and he couldn’t help but feel his fists knotting up at the thought. 

His day was off entirely as he thought of Nigel with the other man, the images not having even entered his mind before and now he could think of nothing else. 

Nigel’s lips on someone else’s lips, his mouth on someone else’s skin, and his whispers of, ‘Harder’ directed to someone who wasn’t Adam. 

He tried to think about the video, long since deleted from his computer as the temptation to look was too much, and instead a horrible thought crept into his mind. 

What if Nigel called this other man a nickname too? 

The tears blurred his vision and Adam pressed his hands against his ears, running out of the observatory into the bathroom and slapping his cheeks hard. 

“No, no, no,” he repeated over and over again, pressing his eyes closed. 

He tried to take a breath and only let out a sob, pressing hands over his mouth. 

Nigel didn’t love him anymore. 

Why did that make him so sad? Nigel was a bad person, he’d killed people, hurt people, and he had no excuse for it. 

Adam didn’t realize he was holding his phone and dropped it, staring down at the screen and reading the familiar number. 

He had been ready to call Nigel. 

Nigel’s voice always calmed him down, always made things better. 

Adam leaned back and put his head against the tile wall, letting out a breath. 

There was a knock on the stall door. 

“Adam?” 

He swallowed, grabbing his phone. 

“I’m fine, Mark. I was just…I needed to be alone.” 

“Okay, man. If you need to go home…” 

Adam thought about it, wondering if he went home now maybe he’d avoid running into Nigel’s boyfriend leaving or coming back. 

“Yes. I think I will.” 

“See you tomorrow, man.”

Adam stood up, opening the door to see the other man smiling at him. He smiled back, knowing that would make his coworker feel less worried for him. 

“You too.” 

The walk home made him feel better. He thought about maybe finding a new place to live and the idea made his stomach hurt but things would be much easier if he did. 

He was walking up the stairs and would have nearly missed Nigel if Nigel hadn’t spoken. 

“He’s gone.” 

Adam turned, taking in the sight. The door to Nigel’s apartment was wide open and Nigel was sitting on the carpet, his head leaning back against the apartment door and holding a bottle of what Adam assumed was liquor. His eyes and cheeks were red, the rosy blush of drunk that Adam remembered with in vivid detail from the very first time they’d met. 

“I’m sorry.” 

Nigel scoffed, smiling as he shook his head. 

“You would be, Star. You would be.” 

Adam’s chest hurt. 

“If he was making you happy…” 

Nigel looked at him angrily and Adam backed up. 

“Who said he was making me happy, Adam? He was a fucking body in my fucking bed, I….shit,” Nigel attempted to get up and fell, pressing his eyes closed. 

“Nigel?” 

“I’m supposed to,” Nigel opened his eyes again, “I’ll stay over here, Star. Far, far away because you asked it of me and I’ll do whatever you ask. You know? I’d…” 

Adam pressed his lips together tightly as he swallowed back tears. 

“I have to go, Nigel.” 

Nigel nodded and Adam didn’t move. 

“Darling, you have to move in order to go.” 

Adam nodded and turned, taking two steps before he spoke. 

“You killed those men.” 

“Adam, those men were fucking killers. They deserved to fucking die, and I’d do it again. You have no idea…”

Adam turned, “But you could hurt me! You…” 

Nigel laughed, “Darling, when have I EVER hurt you?” 

Adam’s voice shook. “If I made you very mad, or very…” 

Nigel smiled, shaking his head. “Darling, you made me mad all the fucking time. Remember the porcelain horse?” 

Adam nodded, “Your mother’s. I broke it, but I didn’t mean to.” 

“I know, Star,” Nigel sighed, reaching for the bottle by his side, “And I nearly broke Darko’s leg that night when I went to the club. He still walks with a limp, baby.” 

Adam looked down. “I can’t. I…” 

“Adam, I would NEVER.” 

“It’s wrong.” 

“I fucking know it, Star. I know I’m bad, and I know I’m fucking wrong, but if I’m wrong why are you coming closer?” 

Adam stopped, looking down to see he’d gotten more than halfway to Nigel’s door. 

“I miss you.” 

Nigel held out his hand. “I am nothing, Star. Nothing. A fucking empty shell, and you’re the only fucking good thing in my fucking life.” 

Adam didn’t move. 

“My father wouldn’t want me to be with you.” 

Nigel wiped his face, smiling as he shook his head. “No, Adam. I don’t think he would.” 

“You do bad things, and…” 

Adam stepped forward and Nigel sat up, reaching out just as their fingers touched. Nigel moaned, “Darling, please. Tell me I can be near you.” 

Adam frowned. “What?” 

“You have no fucking clue how badly I want to grab and pull you down here with me, but you asked me to stay away. I have, and it’s…” 

Adam knelt down slowly and Nigel watched him. 

“You scared me.” 

“I know, darling,” Nigel sighed, “I know.” 

“I thought…” 

Nigel shivered as Adam closed the distance between their hands to entwine their fingers together. “I could never hurt you.” 

Adam whispered, “I didn’t like your boyfriend.” 

Nigel laughed, “Neither did I.” 

Adam moved in closer and touched Nigel’s face, “I want you to tell me everything.” 

Nigel sighed, “Star, I tried to and you wouldn’t…” 

Adam put a finger over his lips. “I want to listen, and if I can’t handle it, I…would you please leave?” 

He could see the tears as Nigel whispered, “Yes.” 

Adam kissed him, a soft peck that had Nigel moaning as Adam pulled away. 

“You aren’t kissing me back.” 

Nigel sighed, “You haven’t told me I fucking can, darling.” 

Adam smiled. “I don’t want you to stay away from me, anymore.” 

Nigel grabbed and pulled Adam to him, pressing their lips together. His cheek bristled against Adam’s own as he whispered, “I love you, Star. Fuck, I love you. Missed you so fucking much.” 

Adam kissed his cheek. “I missed you too.” 

Adam felt Nigel’s arms come around him tightly and he relaxed, closing his eyes. 

“I won’t push.” 

“I know,” Adam murmured, moving his nose closer to Nigel’s neck, “You never pushed me before, so I didn’t think you’d start now.” 

Nigel sighed. “We have to talk.” 

Adam lifted his head and stared into Nigel’s eyes, “Yes. I want to know everything.” 

Nigel reached out and pressed his hand to Adam’s cheek. 

“I had a moment with you content in my arms again, even if this will be all there is before I lose you completely I can die a fucking happy man.”

Adam wanted to protest but he couldn’t promise anything, detangling himself from Nigel’s lap and standing. He held out a hand and Nigel took it, the two of them heading for Adam’s apartment. 

Neither of them spoke and Adam let go to climb into bed, his back to Nigel who followed immediately pulling Adam to his chest. He breathed in his hair, kissed his ear, his neck, and let out a shaking breath. 

“I came here after nearly dying from the police shooting me.” 

Adam nodded, “I know that, you told me that already. I don’t,” he took Nigel’s hands in his, “I don’t know why.” 

“I’m a bad man, gorgeous. I sold drugs to people, some of them I forced into the worst fucking things you can imagine. I once made a man kill himself while I watched. I,” he pressed his face to Adam’s neck, “Gabi had every reason to want to escape me but I wouldn’t let her go. Not for fucking anything.” 

Adam was shaking in his arms and Nigel held him tighter. 

“But you let me go,” Adam whispered, “You didn’t try to hurt me or keep me with you.” 

Nigel shook his head. “I’ve never known love like I have with you, Star. I wanted to possess her, keep her with me, own every part of her and I thought that was part of love, I thought it was fucking ownership and I never,” his tears were wetting the back of Adam’s neck, “I don’t own you, darling, you’ve always owned me.” 

Adam curled in on himself at Nigel’s words. 

“I don’t want to own you,” he whispered, “I just want to keep you.” 

“Adam,” Nigel sighed, “Darling you don’t know it all. You don’t know…” 

Adam turned and Nigel touched his face, wiping away the tears there. 

“You won’t do it again,” Adam declared, jaw tight, “You won’t hurt anyone.” 

Nigel scoffed, “It’s my fucking job, Star. I’m security for Darko’s…” 

Adam put a finger over his lips. “Darko is your friend, he can find things for you to do that aren’t bad.” 

Nigel kissed his finger, nodding. 

“And if you ever need to hurt people it will only be if they deserve it,” Adam took Nigel’s hand, “Because sometimes it’s better not to do what makes you feel good and do what’s right.” 

Nigel’s voice was thick when he spoke. 

“Which is why you should run as fucking far as you can, Adam. You have no idea if I can fucking keep this promise, or even…” 

Adam put his hand over Nigel’s and threaded their fingers through, his grip tight as stared into Nigel’s eyes. “Do you love me?” 

Nigel leaned in and pressed his lips to Adam’s cheek. “More than anything, more than…” 

“You never lied to me before, just kept things from me that you didn’t think I could handle and I can handle anything,” Adam explained, “I’m not as fragile as you think I am.” 

Nigel pressed his forehead to Adam’s and whispered hoarsely, “I fucking promise, Adam, on every star in the whole damn sky and with every breath in me I will fight like hell to keep this promise.” 

Adam smiled. 

“I love you, Nigel.” 

He could feel the words go through him just as Adam pressed their lips together, Nigel moaning just as they rolled with him beneath. Adam was relentless, searching and relearning his taste, and their desperate kisses ached through Nigel with each new touch. 

Adam broke their kiss and frowned, “Did you change cigarettes? It tastes different.” 

Nigel laughed, pressing a kiss to Adam’s mouth again. “Yes, Star. Not long ago,” he kissed Adam’s chin, “Do you wish for me to change back?” 

Adam shook his head, his smile warm. “No. I think I’d like to relearn how you taste all over again.”


End file.
